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21세기교회성장연구원
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Director: Rev. Paul Hong Ki Kim, D. Min.
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홈페이지(Homepage) 연락처(Contact)원장 프로필(Director's Profile)사명선언문(Mission Statement)
홈페이지(Homepage) 연락처(Contact)원장 프로필(Director's Profile)사명선언문(Mission Statement) |
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How To Rear InfantsBy Dr. Jack Hyles
FOREWORD In 1974 my book HOW TO REAR CHILDREN was published. Its first offspring was born in 1978 and was named HOW TO REAR TEENAGERS. Soon I began to travail again, realizing that perhaps the most important time in the molding of a child's character was his infancy. As a result of these labors was born HOW TO REAR INFANTS, which I lovingly and prayerfully present to those excited young couples who are eagerly anticipating the joys and responsibilities of parenthood. Dr. Jack Hyles
DEDICATION Lovingly dedicated to that faithful and loyal army of ladies who work in the nursery at First Baptist Church of Hammond, Indiana, who do so much for so many so unselfishly. Unknown to us but known to our Heavenly Father and recorded in His books are the names of the thousands of people who have been converted because of the contribution made to our services by these dear servants of God. Hence the author dedicates this manuscript to: Glendarae Lanouc - Nursery Director Kay Andrews, Debbie Donley, Judy Anderson, Jeanne Donovan, Bette Atkinson, Betty Elwell, Pat Atkinson, Alechia Evans, Ruth Atkinson, Rose Farley, Linda Ault, Barbara Farmer, Sudie Beasley, Doris Fink, Cindy Blackburn, Karen Fink, Jan Brown, Marjean Finn, Susan Brubaker, Kathy Fleming, Jackie Bryant, Linda Flesher, Terry Buchholz, Margaret Foutch, Katrina Bullard, Cassie Franklin, Flo Burns, Karen Gehling, Kris Burr, Connie Gardner, Peggy Carter, Tricia Griffin, Beverly Clark, Gail Gilley, Elaine Colbert, Trudy Glover, Jean Colbert, Bettie Goldsborough, Pam Connor, Carla Gomez, Glenda Coon, Chris Hall, Darlene Corbin, Pat Hamilton, Susan Crislip, Patsy Harrington, Mary Deneve, Diane Harris, Judy Hayes, Donna Moors, Peggy Hayes, Glenda Morgan, Barbara Heatherly, Bea Mulligan, Kay Hedge, Pat Mundt, Susie Heidenreich, Christine McClain, Kathy Hiles, Nancy Nack, Sarah Holeman, Karen Nisely, Hazel Hotkiewicz, Neva Norrell, Carol Huckins, Donna Nottoli, Sue Huey, Dian Ogle, Nancy Hulet, Jan Olenhouse, Karen Hurley, Jeri Osborn, Barbara Jones, Carol Overstreet, Delores Jones, Linda Parker, Joyce Jones, Sandy Perkins, Marianne Jones, Debbi Petropoulos, Marilyn Jorgensen, Erlene Phelps, Linda Kelly, Bonnie Pickering, Dianna Kendrick, Dawn Pidkaminy, Sharmaine Kennedy, Stephanie Potter, Georgia Kirk, Patricia Powell, Kathy Klingensmith , Evelyn Poynter, Connie Kurtz, Denise Preston, Barbara Kuykendall, Sally Pruitt, Doris Lail, Dianna Pulliam, Teresa Lands, Jeanne Ray, Judy Leib, Robin Rhoades, Linda Lockhart, Pam Rhodes, Leslie Lundy, Vicki Riggle, Jillana Mann, Pat Roundtree, Joan Marker, Judy Rushing , Ruth Minton , Alma Scales, Sue Minton, Ann Seifreid, Cora Moake, Jenny Seward, Barbara Mock, Cindy Shelar, Vickie Mooney, Rose Shepherd, Kathy Moore, Frances Shirley, Launa Shoemaker, Sandy Simcox, Jan Simpson, Pat Sinclair, Karey Sisson, Vicky Skow, Ann Smith, Char Smith, Doris Smith, Sherrie Snavely, Leah Snow, Tina Sonday, Candy Spear, Priscilla Staab, Lorry Steen, Sandy Stiller, Liz Stombaugh, Maxine Stromberg, Rhonda Talley, Maribeth Taylor, Joyce Tesseneer, Vicki Tevault, Connie VanWienen, Gayle Vargo, Jan Vogel, Sheryl Vyborny, Denise Walters, Deborah Watts, Marcia Weber, Connie Weddell, Donna Weddell, Roberta Wertz, Ginny Wilson, Mary Pat Wilson, Jean Wolfe, Diane Wood, and Mary Young.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR Jack Hyles began preaching at the age of 19 and has pastored for over 30 years. These pastorates include churches that varied in membership from 19 to over 48,000. All of these pastorates, other than the present one, were in the state of Texas: First, the Marris Chapel Baptist Church of Bogata, Texas; then to the Grange Hall Baptist Church in Marshall, Texas; from there to the Southside Baptist Church of Henderson, Texas; and then to the Miller Road Baptist Church of Garland, Texas. He pastored the Miller Road Baptist Church for 7 years and saw this church, under the Lord, grow from a membership of 19 to over 4,000. It was from the Miller Road Baptist Church that he was called to his present pastorate at the First Baptist Church in Hammond, Indiana. Dr. Hyles has been Pastor of the First Baptist Church since August, 1959. This church has a membership of over 48,000 and has averaged for the past 4 years over 23,000 conversions and 7,000 baptisms per year. For many years the church has been acclaimed to have the "World's Largest Sunday School." During Dr. Hyles' ministry the First Baptist Church has increased in property evaluation to over $21,000,000. Besides his position as Pastor, Dr. Hyles is Superintendent of Hammond Baptist Schools - Hammond Baptist Grade School, Hammond Baptist Junior High School, Hammond Baptist High School, and Hammond City Baptist High School - and Founder of Hyles-Anderson College. The College, now in its 7th year, matriculated over 1,500 students this year. It is housed in a beautiful 76-acre campus with buildings valued at $10 million. (All of the schools are operated by the First Baptist Church and are housed in separate facilities away from the church property.) Dr. Hyles has served as President of the Baptist Bible College in Denver, Colorado. He is now Assistant Editor - Conference Director of the SWORD OF THE LORD, America's foremost Christian weekly. He also serves as a Vice-President of the Sword of the Lord Foundation. Dr. Hyles is the author of 27 books and pamphlets exceeding over 5 million copies in sales. One long-play record by Dr. Hyles is also available, "Let's Go Soul Winning" (awarded by the Evangelical Film Foundation an Oscar as the outstanding talk record of 1967), as well as many tape-recorded sermons. Dr. Hyles' experience covers numerous evangelistic campaigns, Bible Conferences, etc. He has preached in virtually every state of the Union and in many foreign countries. His annual Pastors' School attracts preachers from every state and many foreign countries. More than 3,600 registrants attend each year.
TABLE OF CONTENTS Chapter One: PREPARING FOR THE BABY Chapter Two: THE DAYS AT THE HOSPITAL Chapter Three: NOW YOU ARE AT HOME Chapter Four: TEACHING CHARACTER Chapter Five: SPEND SOME TIME AWAY FROM YOUR BABY Chapter Six: DISCIPLINING AN INFANT Chapter Seven: TEACHING THE CHILD ABOUT GOD Chapter Eight: EXPRESSING LOVE TO YOUR CHILD Chapter Nine: QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS Chapter Ten: DISCIPLINE AND PUNISHMENT
Chapter One: PREPARING FOR THE BABY Someone is coming to live in your home. Serious and loving preparations should be made for his arrival. The wise couple will realize that every aspect of their lives is about to change. They should discard the stereotype picture of parenthood which emphasizes the joys, thrills and excitements and deemphasizes the problems that are sure to arise. If these problems are predicted, and if proper preparation is made for them, a couple will not find themselves disappointed and disillusioned by parenthood. Such preparation not only can avoid domestic strife and marital problems, but it can bring the parents even closer to each other, and the baby can be a reconciler rather than a divider. Several types of preparation should be made.
Definite plans should be made so that there will be ample time for Mom and Dad to be alone. They must be aware that before the first baby arrives, they have been alone together, and that now a very attractive and enticing intruder is about to enter on the scene. Before he enters, they must both promise and plan to spend time alone together after he arrives. They must plan to continue to be sweethearts. They must also face the reality that the baby is only theirs on loan for a few years. In 18 or 20 years he will be gone, and Mom and Dad will still have each other. They must purposely plan to be closer to each other on the day of his departure than on the day of his arrival. There are just a few hours between the bassinet and the honeymoon suite, between the playpen and the college dormitory; between the moment that the proud parents observe the nurse arriving with their new loved one and the moment that together they watch daughter disappear as she leaves the marriage altar. Proper preparation before the baby's arrival can insure that both his coming and leaving will bring Mom and Dad closer together.
When Mother and child return from the hospital some assistance will be needed for at least a few days. Careful planning is important for you, for your child, and for the relationship between the two of you. Whatever assistance is secured and arrangements are made, it is vital that you realize that the little one that is coming is YOUR baby and YOUR responsibility. This outside help that comes in must not interfere with the quick adjustment of parents and child and must not retard that spontaneous warmth and affection that is God-given. DO NOT BRING SOMEONE IN TO TAKE CARE OF THE CHILD! Let the assistance be in caring for the meals, the house, etc. This will enable the parents to give more time to the baby and to other children in the family. Too much emphasis could not be given to the fact that the parents should take care of the child. Outside assistance could take care of cleaning, cooking, shopping, and other household responsibilities. Spend your time giving assurance to older children, becoming acquainted with the baby, and offering each other the security of increased love. It is not necessary that the parents employ an experienced nurse to come and care for the baby. It is not necessary that Grandmother be brought in to take care of the baby. This is not to say that Grandmother should not be the one chosen to assist, but whoever it is should confine his or her duties to performing a task that will free the parents so they can spend more time with their new arrival, with each other and with other children. More than your baby needs professional care, he needs you. God has placed emotional appetites within the breast of that little one that can be satisfied only by the ones who gave him life. No one else can substitute. In some cases, this may require a frank talk with Grandmother and Grandfather who oftentimes will remind you that they have raised several children of their own and that they are experts in the field. No such expertise can take the place of the ones who gave life to this winsome little intruder. No amount of experience can take the place of maternal and, yes, paternal instinct and love. It might even be wise for Dad to take part or all of his vacation for this little period of adjustment. Bear in mind, after marriage, there was the honeymoon so the couple could get to know each other better and adjust and blend. Perhaps at the coming of a child there should be a "little honeymoon" where Mom and Dad and baby can learn to adjust to each other. The wise grandparents will allow for such time. They will give themselves to making it easier and more conducive for the new unit to become adjusted. This is difficult, for there is the unique joy and thrill given to grandparents upon the arrival of their grandchildren. How proud they are! How boastful they feel! This is certainly a natural reaction. This excitement, however, should be properly channeled. Perhaps it would be good for the grandparent to pause and remember. Then he may adjust his behavior to that which he once wanted from his own parents when his children were born. If a couple cannot afford a nurse or a housekeeper, and if relatives are not available or their coming would cause problems, there is yet another place where a mother can turn for help. She could turn to her own husband. Many husbands take vacations during the first days after the baby comes home, and they clean, cook, wash, and in general, help to free the new mother to become adjusted with her baby. One thing is often overlooked, and that is, just as there is a mother instinct, there is also a father instinct. In some cases, perhaps Dad is the best help of all!
Serious discussion and consideration should be given to breastfeeding or bottle feeding. Do not wait until the last moment to make this decision. Sometimes the decision is not made until the baby is born, and maybe even in the delivery room the doctor will ask for a decision. This is not the time to decide. Mom and Dad should have spent hours carefully weighing the pros and cons of breastfeeding. In some cases, bottle feeding is best. However, it is the opinion of this author that there are many advantages derived from breastfeeding. In the first place, there is the instinctive desire in the baby to be close to the body of the mother. This instinct carries with it a desire to feel and see the face and to hear Mother's voice. These appetites can be satisfied as the child spends hours with Mother and develops a closeness that cannot be developed when Mother props a bottle on a pillow beside the baby and goes into the other room to watch television, or for that matter, to perform routine chores. If for any reason breast feeding is impossible, I strongly advise the mother (or father) to hold the baby while feeding him, especially in the early days of his life. Close contact is very important! The child could be given a formula occasionally, even though the mother is breast feeding. This will give Dad an opportunity to feed the baby and will also provide a gradual process of weaning. Another advantage of breastfeeding is that it insures the proper temperature for the baby's milk. It also prevents the sour smell when the baby is burped. It insures the fact that the diet has been provided by God rather than by man. It also helps to prevent dental problems later in life, for the breast is an aid in preventing the baby in becoming a tongue thruster. It also enables the proper supply of milk to be available. It certainly is easier for the night feedings (especially for Dad!). Breast feeding usually makes Mother less tense, for it guarantees that she will have a time to relax periodically during some very busy days of her life. I have been pastoring over 30 years. I have never met a mother who regretted breastfeeding her baby. Occasionally I have talked with mothers who wished they had done so. Let me hasten to stress, however, that it is not wrong or sinful to bottle feed the baby. There are some cases (though very rare) when the mother cannot provide enough milk. Then there are some mothers who are so emotionally tense that it would not be healthy for the baby to be breastfed. It is, however, usually best for the baby to be fed from his mother's breast so he can feel the warmth from her body, the touch of her hand, the contour of her face and where he can hear her voice as she speaks and sings to him. A study was once made which arrived at the conclusion that puppy dogs who were weaned too soon became destructive, especially with their mouths, and that this carried even into their adulthood. These dogs who were weaned prematurely chewed up table legs, chairs, beds, curtains throughout their lives. On the other hand, the dogs that were weaned naturally and later were not destructive. They seemed to be more contented than those who were prematurely weaned. Before the baby arrives, the parents should sit down and talk and pray together. They should seek God's will concerning the child's feeding. They should secure whatever facts are available on the subject. If there is a disagreement, the mother's opinion should be the most important, for if the mother were to breast feed the child against her own wishes, it could cause more harm than good.
Let me hasten to say in the beginning that this preparation should not be overdone. Some parents become extravagant in their expenditure of money for purchasing gifts for the older children. This is not wise. The children cannot be prepared with presents, things, material objects. They, like Dad, must be assured that the coming of the baby will not lessen their importance in the family, but rather increase it. They must realize that the baby will have a place of his own and that he will be an important part of the family, but that his place has nothing to do with the place of the other children. Each child has the place he has always had and is as important or more so than he was prior to the baby's arrival. Wise parents will see to it that the older child has some of their attention. This attention should not be demanded or even sought, for it is unwise for a child to feel that he must demand attention in order to get it. In some cases he will even resort to misbehavior to get this attention. The parents should explain to the child that there is a unique love for him that can never be diminished or threatened by the coming of another human being into the home. The love that the parent has for the older child is unique because he is unique; it is different because he is different. He must be led to believe that he has a special place in the home that no one can fill. The parents, however, should realize that it is normal and natural for the older child to have some degree of dislike about the idea of competition coming into the home. Because of this, the parents must prepare him before the baby comes by letting him know that he has a place no one can fill and that the baby will provide no competition whatsoever. Again, don't overdo it. Don't try to buy him off with expensive gifts. Rather, with calm assurance give him some undivided attention without his having to demand it to let him know that he will become even more important. Let him know that you will need help-his help-in rearing the baby. Remind him that God has given him to you as a helper during this time. Remind him that he is to be an example and a pattern to whom the baby can look. Remind him that he will be the baby's hero. Remind him that you had him first, and that will always make him a very special person. Take time to cuddle the older child, especially after the baby comes. Be sure he gets his share of attention. Tell him that the baby is coming. Get him excited about it. Tell him some things he can do to prepare. Let him be part of the family preparation. Mother, while you are in the hospital, call home several times, especially after the birth of the baby, and tell the child at home that you have already told the baby how wonderful he is! As soon as possible, introduce the baby to the older child. As you do, tell the baby what a wonderful brother or sister he has. Let the older child become a part of the total happening. It should also be stressed to the older child that the baby will not be able to play immediately. He should be made aware that the baby is fragile and must be treated carefully for a few months. The mother should realize that the child has the same problem that Dad has. Both Dad and child can feel threatened. The wise mother will provide ample security and assurance to these who love her and who need her love in a unique way to them. Never scold the child if he seems to be jealous. Overwhelm him with the positive, do not confront him with the negative. This is a vital part in preparing for the baby. Done properly, it can provide an even happier home. Done carelessly or not done at all, it can provide emotional and psychological marks on the lives of parents and children that will never leave.
It is tremendously important that care and prayer be a part of the choosing of a name for the baby. Too many of us think of names as being mere identification tags, but the right name can have a lifetime effect on the new human being that you are about to bring into the world. In ancient times each person was given but one name and that name usually was a descriptive one that was hand tailored to fit. These names were chosen much like nicknames are chosen now; such as, "Red," "Slim," "Rusty," "Pleasant," "Grace," "Hope," etc. Sometimes these names were related to some circumstance surrounding birth or some quality of character or some achievements performed later in life. For example, Adam means "formed of red earth." Andrew means "manly." Naomi means "pleasant." Later it became popular to name babies after outstanding characters. This meant that many people had the same names. Hence, people began giving family names and later, even middle names. Family names were usually derived from occupations, trades, local events or local surroundings. Here is a fellow, for example, who is named Bill. He is tall, so he would be called Bill Tall. There might be a Bill Short or a Bill Strong. As parents choose the name for a child, there are several things that should be considered. Remember that the name given to the child will be a part of his identity for life. It can affect his personality; it can affect his security; it can even affect his acceptance by other people and his popularity. It could even adversely affect his opportunities for success in his chosen profession. Some parents try to be clever in naming their children and often cause much harm later in life. For example, if the last name is Green, it would be unwise to name the child Kelly, for no one would want to go through life with the name Kelly Green. If the family name is Hill, parents should resist the temptation to be clever by naming the child Ima, for who would want to be called Ima Hill for lifetime! Care should be taken to be sure that the child's name distinguishes his sex. For example, in some countries a boy could be appropriately named Francis Jean or even Joyce, but in other countries this is not appropriate, for these are names uniquely suited and given to girls. Often religion should affect the choice of the name for the baby. Catholic children are often given the name of a saint. Jewish children are usually named for some member of the family who has passed away. Christian children are often given Bible names such as Jacob, Joseph, John, James, David, Stephen, etc. It is wise to consider rhythm in naming the child. It is usually best when the surname has only one syllable such as Smith that the given name has two or more syllables such as Bobby Jones, Johnny Smith, Betty Cook, etc. When the surname has two syllables such as Parker, Little, etc., a three-syllable first name is often suitable such as Anthony Roberts, Melinda Johnson. If the surname has three syllables, it is good for the first name to have only one or two syllables such as John Peabody, Susie Rosenbloom, etc. A good rule to follow is this: The given name and surname should have a different number of syllables. Now this is not always the case and certainly not a fast rule, but simply a guideline. In naming a baby the parents should also consider the potential nicknames derived from the given name. Robert is usually called Bob, Richard is usually called Dick, etc. Think of all the possible nicknames that people (especially children) could devise. Also, consider the danger of naming a child after someone whose footsteps you want him to follow. For example, it would be unwise to name a child George Washington, expecting him to become president someday; or Babe Ruth, expecting him to become a baseball star. Parents should not determine the vocation that their children pursue. They should not give them a name with the expectancy of their becoming a likeness of their namesake. Now, it would be fine for someone to name a child Stephen, in hopes that he will have the courage of Stephen; or John, in hopes that he will be as faithful as John, but care should be taken not to expect the child to follow in professional footprints. Do not leave the child with a name that is a novelty. For example, I know a fine man whose name is Forrest Ranger. Choose a name, but then say the name over and over again to make sure it will not be a cause for embarrassment in years to come. Be extra careful to look into the meaning of names before you name a child. For example, you would not want to choose a name which means "dark" for a child who is of light complexion, or a name which means "small" or "little" for a child who may someday become huge. Remember that you are doing your child a favor if you give him a name he will enjoy. Though he can legally change his name, usually he will not. He will bless you if you give him a name that is pleasant to the ear and positive in its impressions.
FOLLOWING ARE THE MEANINGS OF SOME NAMES FOR BOYS: Aaron - a mountain of strength; he who is exalted Adolph - a noble helper Adrian - brave Allan - harmony, graceful Albert - intelligent, bright Alexander - a helper of men; a protector Alvin - a friend to everybody Andrew - manly Anthony - graceful, valuable Arnold - strong as an eagle Arthur - strong as a bear; strong as a rock Arvin - a friend of people Asa - physician Aubrey - chief who is fair-haired, rich and mighty Austin - renowned Baldwin - prince friend Barry - son of Harry; also spear Bart - ploughman Baruch -blessed Basil - kingly Ben - blessed Benjamin - son of right hand Bernard - bold as a bear Bertrum - fair and pure Boris - a fighter Boyd - light-haired Brian - strong Brice - ambitious; alert Byron - a clear discerner Caleb - bold Carl - strong; manly Chalmer - king of the household Charles - manly; of great strength Chester - fortified Christopher - Christ-bearer Clarence - bright; illustrious Clark - scholarly Clement - mild, kind Conrad - wise counselor Curt or Curtis - courteous Dallas - skilled Daniel - God is my judge Darcy - stronghold Darrell - beloved Darren - loved David - beloved Davin - the bright one Dennis - lover of fine wines Dillon - faithful Dominick - born on Sunday Douglas - dark Drew - skilled and honest Druce - wise man Duane - singing Duke - leader Durand - enduring Durwin - dear friend Dustin - stronghearted leader Dwight - light Edgar - good spearman Edmond - blessed peace; defender of happiness Edward - happy guard; guardian of happiness Edwin - rich friend or happy conqueror Eldon - respected Eldridge - wise adviser Eli - highest Elmer - noble Elmo - friendly Emel - industrious Emery - ambitious Enoch - dedicated; educated Eric - lord; hero Ernest - serious; sincere Ethan - strength; power Eugene - well born Ezra - helper Farrell - valiant Felix - happy Fergus - strong; fierce Forest - from wooder country Forestor - keeper of the preservation Frank - free; courageous Frederick - peaceful Gabriel - God is mighty Gale - lively Galen - healer Gardiner - flower lover Garett - mighty sword Garner - the defender Garrick - mighty warrior Garth - ground keeper Garvin - friend Gaylord - joyous Gene - noble; well born George -farmer Gifford - gift Gilbert - pledge Gilroy - the king's faithful servant Godfrey - God's peace Godwin - beloved of God; a conqueror for God; divine friend Gordon - a fine man; a strong man Graham - stern; gloomy; a frowner Grant - brave Gregory - watchman Griffith - red-haired; ruddy Gunter - bold warrior Guy - guide; leader, director Gustave - noble Harold - leader of the army Hans or Hansel - a gift from the Lord Harrison - son of Henry Harry - son of Henry Henry - ruler at home Herbert - great fighter Hermon - noble warrior Herwin - a lover of battle or a friend Hilary - cheerful; merry Hilliard - protector Hiram - most exalted; most noble Holden - kind Homer - pledge Hosea - salvation Houston - from a mountain town Hoyt - of shining mind Hubert - a bright mind Hugh - intelligent; thoughtful; wise; high; lofty Hume - lover of home Humphrey - protector of the home Hyman - masculine Irvin - friend of the sea Isaac - laughing Jack - God's gracious gift Jason - healer Jay-lively Jeffrey - joyful peace Jeremiah - exalted of the Lord Jeremy - exalted of the Lord Jerome - holy Jesse - God's gift Joab - praise the Lord Job - one who mourns; one who is persecuted Joel - he who wills or commands John - God's gracious gift; grace Jonah - peace or dove Jonathan - gift of the Lord Joshua - saviour or deliverer Joses - helped by the Lord Junius - born in June Kemp - a soldier; champion at arms Kendall - chief of the valley Kenneth - good-looking Kerby - from the church village Kervin -noble; kind; friendly; handsome Kimbal - brave Kirk - living close to the church Knute - kind Kyle - fair and handsome Lambert - innocence Lance - servant Lang - tall Lawrence - laurel; crowned with honor Lawton - man of refinement Leland - of the lowlands Lemuel - consecrated to God Leo - brave as a lion Leroy - the king Ludwig - safeguard; good leader Luther - famous warrior Lyle - from the island Madison - mighty Malcolm - dove Manuel - God with us Mark - brilliant; polished; born in month of March Martin - marshall; warlike Matthew - gift of the Lord Maurice - dark complexion Maynard - strong and mighty Medwin - strong friend Meredith - sea protector Micah - like unto the Lord Michael - God-like Miles - soldier Mordecai - a wise counselor Myron - myhr; a sweet smell Nathan - gift of God Nathaniel - gift of God Neal - champion Neil - champion; of a dark complexion Nestor - continual wisdom Noah - consolation; peace Noble - to be admired; renowned Nolan - renowned; to be admired Norman - man from the north Nortan - from the north place Odel - wealthy man Oliver - oliver tree; symbol of peace Oscar - bounding warrior; he who leaps to the fight Osborne - divinely strong Osmond - protected by God Otis - quick to hear Otto - wealthy; a mountain Parry - protector Parker - keeper of the parks Patrick - noble Paul - little; small; gentle Peter - little rock Philbert - radiant soul Philip - lover of horses Powell - alert Preston - of the priest's place Prior - superior Proctor - leader Quartus - fourth son Quentin - born Radburn - he lives by the red brook Raddiff - from the red cliff Radford - by the red valley Raymond - quiet; peaceful; wise protector Redmond - adviser Regan - royal Reginald - mighty ruler Ruben - behold, a son Rex - king Richard - generous; benevolent; liberal; wealthy Richmond - powerful protector Robert - bright shining; famous Roderick - generous counselor; famous king Rodney - famous in counsel Rodger - famous warrior Russell - red-haired Samuel - asked of God Saul - longed for; desired; asked of the Lord Scott - a Scotsman Shawn - God's gracious gift; grace Seth - chosen Sewell - victorious at sea Shane - God's gracious gift; grace Sherwin - true friend Sigmund - victorious protector Sinclair - saintly; shining Sloan - warrior Solomon - peaceful Sprague - quick Standley - the pride of the camp Stephen - a crown Sterling - honest; genuine Stewart - keeper of the estate Sumner - one who summons and calls Sutton - from the south of town Tate - cheerful Tadis - son of David Ted - happy guard; guardian of happiness Terence - tender Thad or Thadeus - praise Theodore - gift of God Thomas - a twin Timothy - one who honors God Titus - safe or saved Tobias - goodness of God Tony - graceful; valuable Townsend - from the end of town Tracey - a brave protector Trent - swift Truman - a faithful man Tyler - a maker of tiles or bricks Tyson - a German son Val - might; power Vance - son of a famous family Victor - conqueror Vaughan - small Vernon - flourishing; green Vincent - the conqueror Vincin - the conqueror's son Virgil - strong; flourishing Wade - mover or wanderer Waldo - mighty; powerful Wallace - from Wales; a foreigner Walter - chief of an army; woodmaster Ward - watchman; guardian Ware - always careful Warner - protector Warren - protecting friend Webster - a weaver Wendell - a wanderer Wilfred - peaceful William or Will - determined protector; protector of many; defender; shield Winfred - friend or winner of peace Winston - from the friendly town Winthrop - from the friendly village Willie - charming Yancy - English man York - sacred tree Zachery - the Lord's remembrance
FOLLOWING ARE THE MEANINGS OF SOME NAMES FOR GIRLS: Abby - sweet refuge Abigail - her father's joy Ada - significant; of great beauty; ornament; joyous; prosperous Agatha - good Agnes - pure; chaste; gentle Aimee' - beloved Alberta - bright; noble Alda - rich Alethea - truth Alexis - helper of mankind Alice - noble; illustrious; truthful Aline - noble Alma - fair Althea - wholesome Alvina - bright; joyous Amanda -beloved Amelia - busy; energetic; a good worker Amy - beloved Andrea - brave; noble Angela - angelic Anita - gracious; merciful Ann - grace Annabel - beautiful Ann Arabella - sweet; a refuge Aurella - golden hair Aurora - dawn Angie - angelic Anya - grace Ardis - fervent; zealous Astra - like a star Audrey - strong; noble Barbara - a stranger Beatrice - blessed; happy Belinda - graceful in motion Becky - see Rebecca Beryl - gem Bernice - she brings victory Bona or Bonnie - good; fair Beth - house of God Beverly - a beaver meadow Billie - wise protector Bina - a princess Blanche - fair; white Bobbi - stranger; foreigner Bonnie - sweet and good Belinda - dark-haired; dark-eyed Brenna - with black or raven hair Bridget - strength Candace - pure Cara - friend Carissa - graceful Carla - strong Carlotta - valiant Carmel - God's fruitful field Carmen - charming Carol - joyous Caroline - one who is strong Carrie - one who is strong Catherine - pure; virtuous Cecelia - gray-eyed; musical Celeste - heavenly Chandra - she outshines the stars Charissa - graceful Charlene - strong Charity - lovable Charlotte - womanly Charmaine - jittle song Chlo - fresh; youthful Christine - follower of Christ Clara - shining; glorious; brilliant Claribel - brightly fair Clarice or Clarissa - fair; pure Claudette or Claudia - lame Clementine - mild in temper Cleopatra - glory of her famous father Coleen - a maid; little girl Constance - stedfast; firm; unyielding Cora - jewel of the sea Corine - a maiden Cornelia - symbol of royalty Crystal - clear Cynthia - from Mt. Cynthus; also, goddess of the moon Darlene - dearly beloved Davina - the loved Dawn - daybreak; beginning Deborah - industrious; active Delilah - delicate Delphine - a loving sister Denise - god of wine and drama Diana - clear; bright; the goddess of hunting Dina - one who is judged and vindicated Dolly - gift of God Delores - sorrow Donna - a lady Dixie - girl of the south Dione - daughter of heaven and earth Dorcas - she who has beautiful eyes Dorinda - a gift Dulce - sweet Drusilla - soft-eyed Edith - happiness Edna - pleasure Eileen - light Elaine - light Eleanor - light Elen - light Elizabeth - oath of God Eloise - much holiness Elsa - cheer Elvira - courage Emily - busy; energetic Ema - nurse Earnestine - serious Estele - a star Esther - a star Ethel - noble Etta - ruler at home Eudora - a beautiful gift Eugenea - well born Eunice - victorious Eva - a mother; a life-giver Evelyn - pleasant Faith - a firm believer Fanchette - free Faustina - happy Fay - a firm believer Felecia - fortunate Fern - sincere Fidelia - of good character Flavia - blonde Flora or Florette - a flower Florabel - a beautiful flower Florence - prosperity Frances or Francene - free; courageous; strong Frieda - peaceful Fritzie - peaceful ruler Gail - see Abagail Geraldine - spear power Gladys - lame Gloria - glory Grace - kindness; patience Gwendolyn - white-browed Haidee - modest Hannah - gracious; merciful Harriet - rich and powerful Hazel - one that sees God Heather - lonely Hedy - defense Helen - light; bright dawn Helga - holy Henretta - ever rich and mighty Hilda - battle maid Holly - friendship and happiness Hope - trust in the future Hortence - a gardener Huldah - quick; spritely Ida - thristy Imagine - beloved child; last-born Ima - uncertain Ines - pure Irene - peace; iris; the rainbow; picture of beauty uniting earth and sky Irma - friendship; fidelity Jaquelin - supplanter Jane - God's grace Jean, Jeanette, Jennie, Jenny - God's grace Jemina - a dove Jennifer - white wave Jessica or Jessie - wealthy Jewell - life Jill - soft-haired Joy - gladness Joyce - vivacious Juanita - God's grace Judith - one who praises Julia - soft-haired Justine - righteous Karen - pure Kathryn and Kathleen - little darling; pure; beautiful eyes Lala - a tulip Laura or Laurette - laurel; emblem of fame Lavania - left-handed Leah - weary Leila - dark beauty Lena - peace Leona - l ion Letitia - joy, gladness Lida - people's love Lily or Linda - pretty Lois - virtue Loretta - emblem of fame Louise - protector of the people Lucretia - a good housewife Lucia, Lucille, Lucinda, Lucy - light; born at daybreak Lynn - a pool or lake Mabel, Mabelle - fair one May - weeping Mae - weeping Malvina - smooth forehead Marcela - brave Marcia - brave Maria - merry Marie, Marietta - distressed or tearful Marilyn, Marlene - distressed or tearful Maxine - the greatest Maybelle - fair one Melanie - black Melinda - sweet as honey Melissa - honey bee Merie - blackbird Mildred - gentle Mina - beloved Miranda - admirable Mona - alone Monica - one dwelling alone Muriel - of sweet scent Mira - weeping Nada and Nadeen - hope Nancy and Nanette - grace Naomi - pleasant Nina - small darling Nola - honor Norma - pattern; example Octavia - the eighth born Olga - righteous Olive and Oliva - peace Opal - hope Palma - victory Pamela - sweetness; a brunette Patience - aflicted without complaint Patricia - of noble birth Paula and Pauline - gentle; little Pearl - health and long life Perpetua - lasting Phoebe - radiant Phyllis - a reed Polly - bitter Portia - safety Priscilla - old-fashioned Prudence - wisdom; discretion; knowledge Rachel - innocence Rebecca - one who snares men by her beauty Regina - a queen Renee - revived Rhoda - a rose Roberta - a shining counselor Rosabel - fair rose Roselyn, Rosalie and Rosalind - pretty as a rose Rosemund - rose of the world Rose - symbol of love Rosemary - rose of the sea Rowena - to acquire peace Roxana - dawn Ruby - contentment Ruth - beauty Sabina - chaste; religious Sarah - a noble lady Selma - fair Sibyl - divine Silvia - of the forest Sophia - wise woman Stella - a star Stephanie - a crown Susan, Susanne or Susette - a lily Tabitha - beautiful eyes Thalia - flourishing; blooming Theresa - a harvester; beautiful Thora - consecrated Ursella - a little bear Valerie - healthy Verna - youth ful Victoria - conqueror Viola and Violet - pretty; modest Virginia - a virgin; chaste Vivian - lively; merry Yvonne - God's grace or gift Zora - dawn The wise parent will carefully and prayerfully choose a name. That name may be a dream within the parent's breast. It may be a lovely description of the child as the parent sees him. Remember, it is a gift given by the parents to the child that is rarely ever returned.
Chapter Two: THE DAYS AT THE HOSPITAL
1. Extra care should be taken when there are already other children. Junior has been the only child for a long time. Suddenly a new baby appears. The first child soon discovers that his mother has another one. This new one takes most of her time and most of her affection. He has been exiled from his mother while she was in the hospital. Now the new baby moves into her bedroom, feeds from her breast, receives most of her attention, and is the object of most of her affection. The little intruder receives most of the hugs and most of the loving talk from Mother. Jealousy soon creeps in. Mother is weak and unable to run the house. It is all she can do to care for her little one. She cannot possibly give her first child his usual attention. She cannot eat with him, play with him or spend time with him as she could before the new arrival. The child feels neglected. It is a sudden thing. No longer is he the most important and the most attended. He feels wronged by his mother, and he is jealous of the baby. He feels abandoned and isolated. Maybe he has been over loved previously and now suddenly he who was perhaps even spoiled feels that he is all alone in the world. When the newborn begins to smile for the first time and do cute little things and learn new skills, the older child becomes more frightened and more jealous. He once had it all; now he has only a part. He will never have their undivided love again. He will never receive what he once had-the place of being the only loved one in his parents' hearts. This may result in his wanting to attack verbally the younger child. This is especially true when the older child is the first child. A second child never had all of the attention. Hence, he will not be as jealous as was the first child. The wise parent will take extra care to see that the first child is given extra attention and extra love during these days of adjustment. Surveys have proven that in a two-child family, the oldest is always more jealous and selfish. He is also more likely to be reared "according to the book," which means he will be more anxious and more restless. The second child comes when the parents are more oriented in rearing children and more relaxed. Studies show that the older child is more jealous and selfish, and the second child is happier. The first child was trained more severely than the second. He was weaned earlier than the second. He started toilet training earlier than the second, and in general, received more attention than the second child. Because he did receive more attention, he has more attention to miss when the second child appears. Often the first child will try to hit the baby, take his bottle, shove the baby out of Mother's lap, say he doesn't like the baby, or call the baby a puppy. Sometimes the child will even suggest that the baby be given back or sent back to whoever sent it. Some first children even learn to resent the mother. Often the older child becomes sullen and may even hit or kick the mother while she is nursing the baby. This hostility toward the mother is a rare thing, but it does happen. If the first child is very young when his brother or sister arrives, he himself may want to go back to being treated like a baby. He may want to go back to the bottle again or want to stay home from school or to soil or wet his pants. He may show jealousy by wanting to sleep with his mother. He may tease the baby or hide his toys. This kind of behavior on the part of the first child has driven many a mother to despair. However, there are several things she can do. (1.) Before the baby comes, the mother can prepare the first child for his coming. She can assure him that there will never be another like him, that he will always be the first, and that there is always a special place in the heart of Mother and Father for the first child. She can remind him that she needs his help in rearing the new baby. She can give him chores to perform. It is also wise for the mother to spend a little less time with the first child during the months of pregnancy which will enable her to build up gradually toward the inevitable. (2.) Once the baby has arrived, let the first child stay up 30 minutes or an hour longer than the baby. Let that be cuddling time and loving time for him. Let it be time that is strictly his. (3.) Remind the older child of all the things that he gets and of the unique attention he gets that the baby does not get. Ride the bicycle around the block with him, and while you are doing it, remind him that you do not do this with the baby. Remind him the baby does not get these privileges. (4.) Brag on him when he treats the baby properly. Let him know how proud you are. Tell him there are children who do not do that, and that you are so proud of him because he loves the new baby. Tell him that it makes you love him even more. (5.) Have scheduled times when the two children play with each other. Do not let them play for too long a period of time, or they will get bored and the rivalry will increase. Let them play at regular intervals by schedule for just enough time before the enjoyment wears off. (6.) Be understanding and patient. Realize that the rivalry and jealousy will come, but the intensity of such rivalry will decline as Mother exercises patience and understanding. (7.) The father can help here in the early days by giving extra time to the older child. Father and child can really become better acquainted as he explains that Mother wants to be with the older child very much, but she has to be with the baby. The dad can explain to the older child how happy he is because this gives him an opportunity to spend more time with him. Their becoming buddies can help alleviate the jealousy and rivalry that is so natural. (8.) Much care should be taken to see that the general home atmosphere is happier now that the baby is here. If it can be obvious to the older child that there is a happier atmosphere at home and that in general everything is better, he will be more apt to accept his new baby brother or baby sister. Some parents have helped solve this problem by gradually lessening the attention given to the first child as the time approaches for the baby's arrival. In other words, gradually less and less time was spent and even a little less affection was given. Then upon the arrival of the baby, they returned to the old expressions and even sweeter ones, thereby enabling the older child to feel that the coming of the baby gave him more attention and more affection from his parents than ever. Subconsciously he could associate this increase with the baby's arrival. He then feels that the baby's coming is better for him than it would have been had there not been an addition to the family. Regardless of how severe the problem, it must be accepted by the parents as normal, and they must be very patient. The husband must realize how he would feel if another husband came into the home. The wife must realize how she would feel if another wife came into the home. In a sense, this is the way the child feels, for another child has come into the home. Forbearance, patience, understanding, gentleness, longsuffering, kindness and calmness are in order during these important days of adjustment for the young family.
2. The hospital should be carefully chosen. The baby's first days of life are in the hospital. They are very important ones. We do not know just how important they are nor what impressions are made in the life of a newborn, but I am convinced that early impressions are important ones. Every effort should be made to give the child an excellent beginning in life. Talk with your doctor about the hospital. Many people do not realize that there is a direct relationship between the doctor and the hospital. Each doctor uses certain hospitals. The parent has a perfect right to know what will happen and what privileges he will receive at the hospital. He should know their procedures. One new mother said to me, "I wish I had known in advance what I found out when I got to the hospital; I would have gone somewhere else." Another said, "If I had known my doctor works with that particular hospital, I would have chosen another doctor." The prospective parents should choose a hospital where the father is allowed in the labor room. Some may even want the father to be present in the delivery room, though I do not think this is nearly as important as is his presence in the labor room. They should choose a hospital that will allow some time for Mother and Father and baby to be together alone so they can get to know each other. Some hospitals allow the mother to keep her baby in her room so they may establish an exact feeding schedule and get to know each other better. It should be a requirement by the mother that the baby be brought to her room to spend some time with her. Bear in mind, as soon as Mother gets home, she will not have all the help she has in the hospital. As much time as possible should be spent with the baby while at the hospital so that the baby may learn to feel instinctively close to Mother and to feel loved by the mother. This also helps the mother to gain confidence in the hospital so that she can feel a certain ease in handling the baby when she gets home. Then she can be fortified with enough experience to care for the baby and not feel helpless when she and the baby are at home together. It is tragic how impersonal some doctors and hospitals make this sweet personal time of life. The mother should not be insulted by the doctor when she asks for his hospital affiliation. The prospective parent has every right in the world to receive information and make a wise choice. The mother should not be made to feel neurotic and should not be insulted when she asks questions that are legitimate. The hospital staff should not accuse the mother of being overly anxious or untrustful. If there is ever a time when a human being needs compassion and human understanding, it is while at the hospital giving birth to a baby and when learning to know him and love him. "Rooming-in" probably should not be a prerequisite. The mother should, if offered the choice, arrange to care for the baby in the hospital. Some hospitals provide "rooming-in" facilities. This simply means that the mother may have her baby spend much or even most of his time in her room. The more time the mother can spend with the baby, the better. It is better for the mother and for the baby as well. The more handling, cuddling and contact with the baby that the mother can have the better. It gives the mother a sense of importance, confidence and security. Some hospitals allow the mother to have the baby in her room 24 hours a day. Other hospitals permit the mother to have the baby all day but not all night. Of course, it is always best for the baby to be placed in the nursery during visiting hours. Since the nursery is usually a glass-enclosed room, visitors can see the baby but cannot transmit infections. What I am saying is that the mother should be allowed to see the baby often and for lengthy periods, and the mother should take advantage of every opportunity. Mothers make a mistake when they take a vacation while they are in the hospital and see the baby as little as possible. This is especially unwise when it is the first child, for the mother needs all the confidence she can gain while she is in the hospital.
3. The father should get to know the baby while at the hospital. The more contact the father has with his baby during the hospital stay, the easier it will be to become adjusted when the baby arrives home. The father should hold the baby when he visits Mother and baby in the hospital. It is also a good idea for him to learn to burp the baby. The baby should, while in the hospital, get to know his father, and the father should get to know the baby. Infants can feel unrest and insecurity, and if they are required to go from the secure hands of the hospital nurse to the insecure hands of Mother and Father, damage could follow. Hence, the father as well as the mother should learn as much of the art of child rearing while at the hospital as possible.
4. If the hospital allows, the older child or children at home should be allowed to visit Mother and to see the baby while in the hospital. How sad it is to see a mother in a hospital bed looking out the window waving at some children who are going through one of the most traumatic experiences of their lives! Mother wants to be close to the older children, and they are in desperate need to be close to Mother. The children have a new brother or sister but are unable to see him. They are already jealous and lonesome, and now they are unable to see Mother. Some hospitals wisely allow a certain time when older brothers and sisters can visit Mother and take a glance through the nursery window at baby brother or sister. This should not be a requirement of the hospital chosen by the parents, but if it is allowed, it is a delightful bonus.
5. Visitors should be as cheerful as possible when visiting the new mother. They should refrain from giving Mother advice about how to care for the baby. They should not cause any alarm about how the baby looks. They should be very cheerful and optimistic. So often guests will try to persuade Mother not to care for the baby herself when she arrives home. They will tell old wives' tales, elaborate at length on folk medicine, and in general, try to educate the new mother concerning what she ought to do. If, however, these mistakes are made by visiting friends and relatives, the new mother should smile sweetly, thank them for their advice, and after they are gone, erase it from her mind. Some of the advice given to new parents is absolutely absurd. I am amazed at how many foolish bits of advice seemingly intelligent and often so-called intellectual people give. For example, the mother is lying in bed with her new baby, the baby's eyes are focused on Mother's face, and the mother says, "Look, my baby is looking at me!" Some well-meaning but foolish self-styled advisor says, "That isn't possible! Your baby can't see yet!" Now who said the baby can't see yet? Has any baby ever told us that he can't see yet? This is absurd! I am convinced that a newborn can see and does look at his mother's face. Not only is he eating from his mother's body, but he is associating a loving face with that meal. How sweet this is! The sweetest experience that he has learned in life is immediately associated with the sweetest person he will ever know in life. Of course, he is looking at his mother! Of this I am convinced. Another well-meaning expert says, "Well, maybe he can see, but he can only see light and dark or shapes and shadows," and the saddened mother accepts this as fact that her baby cannot see her. This is foolishness. The baby can and does see his mother. Lying there with that little immortal soul dwelling in a cute precious body, the mother turns to the father and says, "She's looking at me." Then the baby looks toward the father and smiles. The father turns to the doctor or some visitors and says, "Look, the baby is smiling at me." The self-styled experts reply with a statement something like this: "The baby isn't smiling; he has gas on his stomach." Now I'm not a medical doctor, and I'm not a scientist, but I do know that stomach gas doesn't make you smile. Gas doesn't make an adult smile; why should it make an infant smile! The truth is, it doesn't! It may be that some child will do both at the same time, but a smile is a smile, and I think that the newborn is smiling-smiling because it is happy, content, and because instinctively it knows that it is loved. There are many other foolish statements that we make at the bedside. It is wise for those of us who visit to limit our remarks to positive ones and not those that will infringe upon the joy of happy people.
6. Mother should call home to talk to the other children several times a day. She should elaborate as to how much she misses them and how she longs to see them. She should assure them that she is well and that though the baby is cute, it will in no way take the place in her heart of those at home. The mother could even send a little gift or telegram to the ones at home to assure them. She should pray for them and spend some time consciously loving them while she is in the hospital. She should miss them on purpose so that she will of necessity be so happy to see them when she arrives home.
7. Mother and Dad must be especially loving to each other during the hospital days. It is not at all difficult for a child to come between parents. This is tragic. Bear in mind, a potential threat has arrived. The wise husband and wife will give to each other even more attention than ever during these days of adjustment. Special courtesies could be done. The mother, for example, could turn the tables and send the dad a bouquet of flowers at home. She could wire him a box of candy, or before she goes to the hospital, purchase a shirt and tie or some other appropriate gift for him. Have it gift wrapped and hidden. Then while in the hospital she can call him and tell him to look in a certain place and get something for her. Here he will find a delightful surprise! Mother could call Dad at work, or Dad can call Mother from work. This is so important, for not only will this give assurance to each other, but it can also prepare both of them for the immediate confusion that will arise when returning home.
She should not forget them. A special phone call to her dad would be in order. A nice letter written from the hospital bed to her mother would be sweet. The new mother must learn to appreciate more her own mother and to realize the suffering her mother endured bringing her into the world. Then too the grandparents of the new baby are often overlooked. What a nice gesture it would be for them to feel especially loved by a grateful daughter!
Vows should be made. Supplication should be offered, and a sweeter relationship with Christ should be enjoyed. Also, the mother could make a schedule of things that she is going to do in training her baby to be all that God wants him to be.
10. The hospital stay could be a time of reading the Word of God. During the pregnancy, the mother could use a concordance to find all the Scriptures in the Bible about rearing children. She could read these while in the hospital. She should read at least once through the entire book of Proverbs while in the hospital and vow to God that she is going to do what she can to teach these truths to her child.
Find a book on how to rear children and take it with you to the hospital. Have it packed in your suitcase before you go. (Also, have the Bible packed.) This book on rearing children should be read carefully while the mother is in the hospital.
The children should greet her. The moment Mother gets in the car, she should assure the older child or children of her love and of how much she has missed them and how proud of them she is.
This should not be too exciting or exhausting. Maybe a big sign could be placed in the front yard. Perhaps a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a "welcome home" note from each member of the family could be at the bedside. Maybe a tape could be made by each child and the father so that Mother can play the tape while resting after returning home and realize how much she was missed and how much she is loved. Maybe Mother's favorite meal could be ready for her. Perhaps gifts could be waiting for her upon her arrival. Everything possible should be done by Dad and the older children to make Mother feel welcome. Also, everything possible should be done by Mother to let the rest of the family know that the new member of the home will never in any way take the place in her heart of those that God previously has given to her.
Chapter Three: NOW YOU ARE AT HOME! There are few days in the life of a family that can compare with the day that baby comes home from the hospital, and yet often that day becomes a day of disappointment because the new mother and father had so many wonderful plans. They had planned to sit down and have a dedication service, but baby wasn't in the mood to be reverent. They had planned to sit down and read the Bible together, but baby wasn't very spiritual. Now they are home only to find that it is not what they had thought it would be. In the hospital Mother spent a lot of time getting organized. She had planned exactly what she was going to do, and in her opinion, she was going to be a tremendous success. Things, however, didn't quite work out that way. Mother soon finds that having a baby at home requires a lot of altered plans and flexibility. In fact, oftentimes it makes parents feel that perhaps it wasn't worth it. Most of us just do not know what having a baby at home would be like. Some might even think that if they had known what it was like, they would not have wanted to have children at all. Sleep, peace, organization and quiet are at a premium, and the sweet, precious plans that have been made for nine months vanish with the colic. If a couple will realize before the baby comes that it will be hectic for awhile, everything will go better. Babies do wake up at night; many babies wake up many times through the night; some babies wake up four, five, six times a night. Maybe these suggestions will help:
Someone will say, "Well, the father has to work, and because he has a job and the mother is at home where she can sleep some, she should take care of the baby through the night." Someone else will say, "The father should do it because the baby needs a mother who is rested, not one who is haggered, tired and impatient." Now a happy solution to this problem is to have the parents take shifts. One parent could take from 9:00 p.m. to 3:00 a.m.; and the other, from 3:00 a.m. to 9:00; or one parent could take from 9:00 p.m. to 1:30 a.m. and the other, from 1:30 a.m. to 6:00 a.m. This insures each parent some sleep that is uninterrupted, and perhaps during the rest of the night, he will get a little bit of sleep.
Protect your privacy! Of course, it will require you to walk a longer distance to get to the baby, but it will give you time alone together, and your privacy is protected. This is so important! This is also not good for the older child. If Mom, Dad and baby are together in one room and the older child is in another, this causes the child to think that the baby is getting preferential treatment, and he will feel like an outcast, exiled to his own room.
Let the baby have his own room, if possible. If, for example, there is a three-bedroom house, Mom and Dad can have one bedroom; the older child, another; and the baby, another. If there must be some doubling up because of older children, let the older children sleep in the same room, and let the baby have a room of his own. Older children like their privacy. They feel it has been infringed upon if the baby moves into their room. This concern causes him to be overly protective of his own toys, his own bed, and his own private things. Have the older child or children sleep under the new arrangements several weeks before the baby comes. The older child will not associate his new sleeping arrangements with the baby's coming.
I would not suggest that the same crib be used for each child. It could place in the mind of the older child the thought that someone has taken his place. It might even be wise to put the crib of the older child somewhere in a very special place leaving it empty so that he can see that his crib is still his. If for any reason the older crib must be used, it should be repainted or redecorated so that it will not look the same.
Visitors can rudely interrupt well made plans. A good way to prevent this is for the new parents to predict the most likely visitors and to call them upon returning home from the hospital, inviting them to come at a certain time. The mother might call her closest friend and say, "Mary, I'm home from the hospital, and I can't wait to see you. Could you come by tomorrow afternoon about 2:00?" An appointment can be made, and this will become a part of the schedule for the parents.
When a child comes, Mom and Dad will have to fight for such time. It may be that they will seldom sit down to dinner together. Before the baby came, they ate alone. Now it's hard to eat at all. Before the baby came, the meals were prepared. After the baby comes, the husband often eats leftovers. The mother is tired; the father needs attention. Before you know it, both will think the other is being selfish. Bitterness can develop toward the innocent child who has placed a wedge between them. If such resentment builds up, the husband and wife should discuss it openly before it becomes serious. The truth is that neither the husband or the wife knows how the other is going to react after the baby comes. It is a stimulus that they have not faced. They must have privacy with each other. It must be remembered that in a few years that baby's crib will become a honeymoon suite and that an older and wiser couple will say, "Goodbye," to their offspring. How important it is that they cultivate their relationship and see to it that this newborn cements their relationship and makes it deeper and sweeter!
Chapter Four: TEACHING CHARACTER Someone has said that character is the subconscious doing of right. It is when right and the doing of right becomes a reflex. This can happen only by continued practice of doing right in response to certain stimuli. Basically, it is the forming of proper habits. Naturally, the earlier these habits are formed and the earlier the doing of right becomes a matter of reflex and enters into the subconscious, the stronger will be the character of the adult. Hence, proper habits should be started at birth.
Babies are people, and all people enjoy eating. We learn very early in life that eating brings us pleasure and delight. This pleasure is caused not only because eating brings relief from hunger, but also because of the byproducts that eating brings. In the infant, for example, eating will bring the joy of being close to Mother, the warmth of the mother's breast, the feeling of being loved and cared for, and the joy of being held and rocked. As the baby grows older, there are other extras he receives from eating. Because of this, it is very important that proper eating habits are developed so that the child can derive these pleasures from the eating of good, nourishing food along with other proper eating habits. The first development of proper eating habits is the first nursing from his mother's breast. The baby will no doubt be hungry and perhaps will be crying. Hence, the first nursing should be a happening. The baby will at least by instinct enjoy such a feeding. Let him snuggle for awhile; do not hurry him, and when he is ready he will begin to eat. Let him hear soft words. Commune from your heart to his. Sing gently to him, and let his first association with nourishing eating be that of many other pleasantries. At each nursing that follows, make it a real happening for the child. Then as he grows older, is weaned, and settles down to a child's diet, continue making mealtime one of the most delightful of the day. Remember, taste is cultivated. The reason that our generation loves junk food instead of good, nourishing food is that we have cultivated a taste for food that is less healthful. During infancy is the time when children should be led to develop a spiritual appetite. A child can learn to like nuts more than he likes junk snacks if his taste is so trained. He can learn to like fruit more than he likes candy if he is trained properly. Good vegetables can appeal to him as much or more than excessive starches if he is led to develop the proper eating habits from infancy. The child should also be trained to eat on schedule. One of the great secrets of life is to live by schedule, and the healthy person is one who eats by schedule. A good little slogan for the feeding of an infant, and for that matter for the feeding of people at any age would be, "Eat the proper food at the proper time in the proper environment.
Sleep habits are developed just like eating habits and should be established in early infancy. These habits, like eating habits, will only be developed and maintained if pleasure is derived. Hence, the wise parents will make the sleep time as pleasant as possible. Sleep habits, like eating habits, should be on schedule. A very young baby will probably sleep 18-20 hours out of the 24. This need for sleep gradually diminishes until a six-month-old baby is likely to sleep 14-15 hours of the 24. During the first year of life, most babies require one long nap during the day and one short one. At 12-15 months of age the child usually gives up the short one and has one long nap a day plus the night sleep. The number of hours a child sleeps or the number of hours of sleep he requires is not as important as the fact that his sleep is regularly scheduled. The child is learning in infancy to live by discipline and by schedule. The child should go to bed the same time every night, get up at the same time every morning and take his daily naps at the same time, and the naps should be for the same length of time. Many mothers could have avoided nervous problems in their own systems had they worked a little harder at first in securing the baby's schedule. Now, let us get back to the happening of sleep. A child should learn to associate sleep with being comfortable, being at the right temperature, being changed, being loved and being fed. If extra affection and attention can be given at sleep time, then the sleep time can become one of the highlights of the day for the child. He soon develops a positive association with sleep. This is vital. Several things should be avoided in making the child's sleep habits desirable. (1.) Do not let the baby get into the habit of going to sleep with a bottle. Under such circumstances neither eating or sleeping is as pleasant as it should be. (2.) Do not let the baby sleep alone in the house. In fact, an infant should not be left alone in the house at any time, even if he is sound asleep. Once the baby has gone to sleep, do not wake him up. Oh, yes, friends will come in to see him; let them see him asleep. Do not wake him up to show him off after he has gone to sleep. After dark, do not take the baby out for too much excitement. Taking him to the church nursery is certainly proper, but too much noise and too many bright lights before bedtime will cause him to be restless. By all means, do not give the baby any kind of medicine to make him sleep unless it is done with doctor's orders. There is so much in the subconscious and in the instincts that it is very important not only to let a baby have a daily schedule but also a weekly schedule. He can look forward to the nursery on Sunday and on Wednesday night and to other pleasant activities that are regularly scheduled each week. Few of us as adults know our own bodies. Few of us know how much sleep our bodies need. Much of this is due to the fact that from infancy we have led undisciplined, unscheduled lives and among these undisciplined activities are our sleeping habits.
Every young mother anticipates the day when her baby can stay clean and dry. Because of this, many begin this training too early. A baby is nearly a year old before his nervous system is developed enough to warrant the beginning of toilet training. At this time, the child usually is becoming aware when you praise him for doing well. It is then time to begin serious toilet training. Subject to schedule and discipline, the child should be put on the toilet at certain regular times. These times should be when he wakes up in the morning, at the conclusion of each meal, before he takes a nap, when he wakes from his nap, etc. If the mother will keep a record for a week or two of the hours the baby is wet or has had a bowel movement, it will help her in planning a schedule so as to anticipate his needs. Do not use the scolding method. Do not be negative. Do not spank him. Rather, use the praise incentive. Let him associate proper elimination with Mother's pleasure and praise. Be patient with him, it will take time and understanding. Keep the baby in diapers until he learns to walk, and then replace them with pants. This will help him get the idea there is a change in his elimination habits. By the way, do not leave the child wet. If he has an accident, go ahead and change him. Do not scold him. When he does wait until potty time, give him such praise that he will want to earn this praise again.
Sucking is natural with a child. He began his life by getting his food that way, and since he is a born explorer, he usually puts an object to his mouth quickly after birth. Thumb sucking is a prevalent problem for babies. It usually becomes intense somewhere around 6 months of age. Occasionally the baby also finds that he can suck his fingers. Usually he will overcome his habit if the parents do not make too much fuss over it. It is never wise to punish for this. It is often wise to use a toy or other attention-getters with which to divert the attention of the baby from his sucking. Thumb sucking becomes a problem usually while the baby is being weaned. Since babies are born with a tremendous instinct to suck, even apart from the instinct of hunger, it is often difficult to cure him quickly from his sucking desire. Hence, when the cup takes the place of the bottle or the breast, the most convenient thing for the baby to do is suck his thumb. A mother came to me and told me that her 3-year-old son was still sucking his thumb. She told me she had done everything she could do to stop him. I asked her what she had tried. She said she had tried to make the boy ashamed. She had made such statements as, "I'm ashamed of you, and your daddy is ashamed of you." She then told me she had ridiculed him, calling him a "little bitty baby." Then she tried the tactic of the fear of father: "I'm going to tell your daddy when he comes home! What will he think?" Then she had tried spanking the thumb after she had worked it out of his mouth. At night she had tied his thumbs in mittens. There are other things she had tried which she included in her statement of, "I have tried everything!" I reminded her that thumb sucking itself was not nearly as dangerous as the improper handling of the situation by the parents and that the most dangerous thing about the child's thumb sucking was the action that it had prompted the parents to take. Then the mother told me of the fears she had concerning her son's thumb sucking. She was afraid of a permanent injury to the thumb. She was afraid that it would spoil the shape of his teeth and his jaw. She was afraid that it would cause the child to be withdrawn and introverted and, of course, she was afraid that it would go on and on and on into his school days. Now in rare cases, such damage is possible, but in more cases, the damage is done by the parents' overreaction. The matter that should occupy our time is that of learning WHY the child sucks his thumb. There are many reasons. The thumb becomes a comfort to the child. He turns to thumb sucking when he wants comforting or when he feels he is not loved enough or safe enough or not good enough. The thumb comforts and assures him. The wise parent will realize this and will give the child sufficient comfort, assurance, self-confidence, self-esteem, etc. Again, the positive approach is the best one. When you see the child not sucking his thumb, brag on him, make him feel like he has done something great. Reward him for it with the feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment. What the child has been doing subconsciously is telling you that he is not completely satisfied with everything about life. There is something missing which he needs. Asking, pleading and scolding will not solve his problem, for it is not his problem. Putting pressure on it only adds to his need and to the frame of mind which caused the thumb sucking in the first place. Hence, the parents' efforts prolong the habit. Some feel that if a child is allowed to suck his thumb all he chooses, he will relinquish his thumb sucking sooner than if he is urged to stop it. Let the parent be comforted in the fact that most children give up their thumb sucking shortly after they enroll in school. When they come in contact with other children, pride develops and the child is embarrassed to have his peers see him with such an infantile habit. The wise parent will not try to stop the thumb sucking but will rather try to stop the causes for the thumb sucking. Remember that alarm and force will lengthen rather than abbreviate the longevity of this habit. Do not punish. Do not remind him constantly. Do not threaten him that he will injure his fingers or buck his teeth. Do not remind him that if he loves you, he would stop sucking his thumb. Do not use such phrases as, "You are a big boy now!" "Aren't you ashamed of yourself!" "You are such a baby!" Do not wrap his hands or use mittens. Do not use elbow splints or anything to keep his arm from bending. Do not use sleeping garments which hold his arms down. Do not put bitter, disagreeable, distasteful substances on his fingers. Let him know that you love him so much and are so proud of him that he will have so much assurance and security that he will not need his thumb. Have him trade the comfort of his thumb for the comfort of a secure relationship with Mom and Dad. By all means, do not panic. There are some things that can be done. Let the child suck longer when he eats. Let him nurse as long as he wishes. If he is bottle fed, get another nipple with a smaller hole so that it will take him longer to drink his milk. As he grows older, don't let him get bored. Be sure he has enough toys, enough things to stimulate his mind and to attract his attention. Also notice when he sucks. Does he suck when he is lonely? Does he suck when he is frightened? Does he suck when he feels deserted? Once you have found the cause, then you can satisfy his need and over a period of time eliminate the thumb sucking altogether. As he gets older, see if you think he gets too much or too little attention, has too many or too few companions, is mothered too much or too little, gets more or less attention than the other children. Take an intelligent survey and set up a diligent plan to eliminate excesses and fill voids.
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